I recently finished a great book,
Bo's Cafe, which is for those who "harbor a longing to be authentic", who want to live an open, honest life and have genuine, true relationships.
As usual, with my writings, I didn't know how to start this post, or title it, but was given the answer last week, right after I finished the book. We were relaxing at the kids' Christmas play practice, talking about getting cookies for after the performance. Pastor Bob said he could get them because he loves going to Costco. He likes to go in the middle of the day when they have all the samples of food out. He goes around the whole store sampling everything, does his shopping, takes off his coat and/or hat, then goes around the store again, getting to sample everything a second time! :) big smile by me. Brenda says, "no shame!
hehe" That's it, I say! no shame. Why do some people have a hard time being open and honest, whether it's a matter of morals or sin or just other people's opinions?! I too have gone back for seconds at Costco, especially for another drink. They always have plenty of food samples, but only one juice sample! How many people would not confess they've had more than one sample of their favorite thing at Costco because they're worried about people judging them?
"Down in that city, millions of people are hiding stuff, presenting only what they think they can control. They carry around guilt or anger or bottled-up hurt and don't have any idea where to put it. It eats at them..." I was one of these people for a long time. Just ask my husband. He thinks I still am ;) But I know where to put it now. Jesus took it from us. I believed in Jesus at a young age, but it took me a long time to truly receive God's gift of grace (God's Riches At Christ's Expense) Like the book says, "will grace finally win?" This is a quote from facebook: "you have to pass through a dark night of the soul. Everyone does. A time comes when what you have always believed is true melts away underneath you. When you cast in doubt even the most obvious, the most simple. When it seems that dark night is all around, and you are all alone, take heart, this journey through the abyss is the final barrier before your emergence into the heavenly light of a new synthesis of your being. God is waiting for you on the other side."
A Safe Place. "If you're tired of the cycle (I am!) and actually consider some of this, you might just get healthy....What if there was a place safe enough to tell the worst about you and still be loved just as much, if not more, for sharing it? Safe is a place where you can get out the worst about you and they don't run you off or talk you down...it's having someone to stand with when you start to face the shameful stuff...where you don't have to hide or fake or pretend or bluff...It's real hard to watch someone cover pain with something that makes them hurt even more." I want to be a safe place for others and long for being in a safe place.
What is Grace? "It's a lot different than trying to love others or God enough. It's learning to say, 'if God says I'm worthy of being loved, then I'm worthy.'" The definition from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary is: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Another definition is: unmerited favor; kindness from God we don't deserve.
So what happens when you receive God's grace and you can share openly and honestly in a safe place? "Your stuff starts to get resolved! It'll feel like you've opened Pandora's box. Because now you know you, and all the garbage inside. And you're terrified someone else will now see it. But here's the difference-It won't matter to you anymore. If they see the truth about you, you'll actually be happy...because you'll see all your junk now only through God's eyes, through the eyes of love, not condemnation...Protective Love creates vulnerability. It'll begin to free and heal you."
The book is mostly about the husband, who has anger issues, but it kept nagging at me while I was reading, what about the wife? I saw myself in her and knew something wasn't right with her either. I'm not pointing the finger saying I'm suffering from the same, or even different, issues inflicted on her, but at her reactions. Finally, at the end of the book it was addressed. It is precisely what I need to work on. "I became convinced I was a better person than____And I held it over him. God was freeing him, and at home I was retying all the knots. I thought I had to be in control to get my life back...And slowly life leaked out of my husband." I've said before I struggle with pride and I'm afraid it has created issues in my marriage and I need to ask for forgiveness, hon.
"Don't be afraid. I know who you are. You know too much to listen to the lies now. Nothing to come can change that. I've got your back."
"Integrity is proven when you admit what you can't do and honor what you say you can."
Quotes from Bo's Cafe written by John Lynch, Bill Thrall and Bruce McNicol. A great book!
look at me now through God's eyes and help me by pointing out my issues when they surface again rather than believing they are all that I am.
Tyler took on the duty of deciding on a name. Trey, meaning 3rd, was our boy name before we found out we were having a girl, but nothing sounded good to me, except Abigail. Finally about 1am, he said "Isaac, it means God is laughing." I brightened up at the name, and I thought it fit perfectly. God doesn't always answer prayers, He gives us trials, but He never does it out of anger, He does it out of love and joy for His children. I decided then I would laugh with God, not sulk, for the child He gave me to raise. Besides, God knows what is best for us, and like everyone told me that night, "someday you'll say your family just wouldn't be the same without this little boy"
The fact we had a little boy instead of a girl hasn't stopped us from having fun dressing him up as a girl! And so far, he enjoys it...great blackmail pictures when he's older! :)
Big brother and sister love their little brother!
And so do his other big sister and brothers that have lived with us...
He was my biggest baby and still the biggest in comparison...he loves to eat!
All our kids grew up around soccer, but he has loved soccer more than his siblings, as well as all sports, since he could roll a ball to me. Probably because he tries to keep up with them, play with them, he is the natural athlete. And a natural entertainer, he loves to make everyone laugh, living up to his name!
He's 3 now, but grew up so fast, he acts like he's older. Already a charmer to the girls, a pro at video games and wii, a boxer that can give you a black eye (yep, I wasn't quick enough to block), and good at all sports. 
But he's best at making messes, getting into everything, causing me headaches, a non-stop tornado, so I nicknamed him the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil. "I tried to be good, but I got bored" a perfect shirt for him!
guess who he got it from?! That's me, making a mess with noxema, in the bottom left:
my favorite time of the day is when he is sleeping peacefully, and i get a few hours of peace.
Despite his more than active energy, breaking things, humiliating me every time we go to a store, our family would not be the same without him! Isaac Trey you make us laugh, love and live more than we ever have before you came into our lives...love you!
I love you Dominator, noble Brianna and silly Isaac!
then the Lewis family came to our house to celebrate Christmas. 
I think the Smashing Hit this year was BOZO!
Brianna was kinda cold and grumpy, but she enjoyed watching Uncle Sam breaking an ice block (from a water bucket that froze last week) and helped him carry our Christmas tree:
but it's not fully decorated yet because I'm missing my merry elves! My 3 playful reindeer would rather play with the Christmas train!
The last times I attended were with Nana Lewis and Grandma Johnson...It is always a truly peaceful, lovely time to prepare our hearts and mood for the joyous Christmas season! This year, preschool teacher Joy Pyles, decorated a table and invited the Sonshine preschool teachers : 
I am so thankful for the food and fun and our family we got to share it with! :)
